Google defines self confidence as “A feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities and judgement.” You may have great self confidence. If you are a sweaty palm teen like me who cares nothing except getting ‘Chicken Dinners’, then your self confidence level needs upgrading, really. Chances are, you are reading this post because you want to be confident. You want to feel empowered and want to trust yourself.
True confidence is simply caring less about others. It is depending and being into your thoughts/emotions/feelings/decisions, etc. rather than into others. It is investing in yourself. That doesn’t mean you should not invest in others, but not more than they invest in you. This goes very theoretical, let me be a bit practical.
Most of the advices say,”Fake it until you make it”. I faked it, but never made it. ‘Faking’ is a synonym of being unconfident. You can try it yourself. To girls, how attractive a man is a measure of his confidence. The more confident he is, the more attractive he will be perceived as. This can be equated as
Confidence ∝ Attractiveness
Maths in school..maths here too, oh no. Lets say bye bye to this blogger. You can leave if you wish, but some super exciting paragraphs are still left!
Confident people are trusted. Think about the most confident people you know and how you trust them. To girls, if you are super confident, you will be perceived as you see a gorgeous girl with greatly sculpted *you know it*. If you have zero confidence, they will perceive as you see a girl with a missing teeth and worst breath. You know why you falter with girls? I will give you a free preview. It has nothing to do with how you talk, how you stand or what you say. Words and looks are merely symptoms of a greater problem. This problem is the inability to make yourself vulnerable (which will be explained later). Confidence is the only solution to this problem. Vulnerability builds confidence. However, women getting attracted to confidence differs from age group to age group, from culture to culture, and from individual to individual. But desire for confidence is universal. Lack of confidence is also a turn off for most guys, but not so much as girls. And, your confidence level is not so much dependent on your genetics and your testosterone level.
After spending most of your life being unconfident, it is really hard to build confidence. So, most of the guys practice false confidence. False confidence is to objectify women. It is to treat others like shit, and get treated like shit in return. Women who have the patience to be treated with false confidence are falsely confident/unconfident themselves. It is often taught by that macho elder guy who bullies others. In the mind of false-confident people, there is performance going on. They are behaving like that just to attract others which makes them needy and therefore unattractive. Confident women will reject these men in a snap of fingers. So, beautiful girls will not fall into your ‘acting like Varun Dhawan’. It is very harmful for you. It creates anger and disrespect for oneself.
Vulnerability as the Key to True Confidence
Vulnerability is totally different from weakness. It is a strong form of power. Vulnerability is to express your true self (yes, true self, body hair and all). It is being ok with what you already are. Practicing vulnerability builds true confidence. A man who is vulnerable is not afraid to express his true self to the world and is not afraid of what others think of him. Practicing vulnerability is not easy and really painful at first. It is unsexy. But, slowly you will be used to it. Slowly, you will find it totally ok to be imperfect, totally ok to not flush toilet, totally ok to make mistakes. Girls will not hate you for making mistakes, they will like you for being ok with making mistakes. How to be vulnerable? Just be you (as if this sentence even means anything). Just don’t lie. Ever. Start by counting the lies each and every day you tell others and to yourself. Then try to tell less lies each day. Don’t impress people. Try this and see for yourself how they brighten up and get impressed by you. You are who you are who you are. Be you. Truly you.